Thursday, May 24, 2007

Silent Tears

She looked at herself in the mirror. Again. That same mirror that she looked into every morning, the reflection that brushed her hair every morning before school, the reflection that shared her pain when she plucked her first stray eyebrow hairs.

She sighed. Why does she feel so sad? Why is she so angry? Why? Why? She’s sixteen years old. She’s supposed to be having the time of her life, a boyfriend, a million friends, parties and fun. Ok she has friends. Parties come and go. But what she longs for most, what she understands least... that which will calm her soul and which inevitably comes with leaving adolescence… is just… tormentingly... out of her grasp.

Tears well up in her eyes and she fights them. She silently curses all those people who have told her she is beautiful and that she shouldn’t worry about anything. Oh yeah? If I’m so damn beautiful then WHY don’t I have a boyfriend? Why? Huh?

She knows she doesn’t understand something, something about her, something about life in general. She just cannot work out what. If only she knew! She would be all right. She knew she would be. She would have to be. Nothing could be as awful as how she feels now.

She looks around her room. When did she get so apathetic? A dinner plate smeared with crusted gravy and a shriveled remnant of carrot from two nights ago lies on her study desk. Ugh. That’s just gross, but who can be bothered, really? Damn. Am I really ugly? Are these people who tell me I’m beautiful.. are they liars? They must be. There can’t be any other explanation. I hate people. I hate everything. God I’m fat.

She turns on a CD, something that she knows will really annoy her parents. She turns it on loud. She looks at herself in the mirror again and cries. She cries so loudly but even she cannot hear herself sob over the CD. Silent tears. Tears of an anguished teen.

(Written by Tania)

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Birthday Wisdom

March 30—

I have so much to do today and I have no idea how I’m going to get it all done. I have two papers I should have finished over spring break but there were so many other things to do, not the least of which was consuming way too many beverages of an impossible shade of blue, while working on my tan. It’s coming along nicely in case you’re interested.

Spring Break. It’s like a rite of passage. I feel like I’ve entered a new stage of my life; a new understanding about my place in the world. I feel all grown-up. How did this new maturity emerge, you ask? It began by being officially more hung over than I ever wanted or expected to be. The end result is that too much partying has lost some of its allure. I didn’t feel grown-up at all when I had my head out the window of the rental car, puking my way down Sandsong Avenue . But I felt about 150 years old the next morning and I emerged from the adventure knowing who my true friends are. Melissa is the best friend a girl could ask for. Anyone who would be willing to tuck me into bed and then go back outside and clean up neon blue vomit from a rental car is indeed a true friend. Everyone should have a Melissa.

Anyway, we got home last night. We’re here through today and then we’re driving back to campus tomorrow. I know I need to work on those papers, but today is Will's birthday! That is so much more important than 18th century literature. Please, the literature has come and gone. The birthday is now. He’s got some party or something with his friends later tonight, but I think I’m going to take him out for lunch today. It’ll be one of those big sister/baby brother outings where I give him lots of advice and he pretends he’s going to take it. I think I’ll begin by extolling the evils of blue alcoholic beverages.

(Written by Elizabeth Webb)